Christie Legedza (CL)

By Ned Kuhne

Who is the mysterious Christie Legedza?

It’s a question scientists have been trying to answer for a quarter of a century, without notable success. Writer, sure. Carbon-based life form, probable. Post-punk enthusiast, without question. But what do these things really tell us? What do we know? Who is she?

I spoke to a former workmate (on the condition I didn’t reveal their name) who told me they had personally seen her listen to nothing but Car Seat Headrest for a week straight, without speaking to another human being.

I tracked down a bartender who swears he saw her glass a cop during an argument about Television.

A third source said she once burned a friend’s house down when they didn’t return her copy of the self-titled Suicide album, but I’m pretty sure that’s just a rumour.

Enjoys Steinbeck. Hates Hemingway. Likes rum. Sneers at vodka (except the bison grass stuff).

What to make of all this? If I knew, I’d tell you.

A note from CL

This information is factually accurate.